GOOD bye

So me and this girl have been good friends ever since second grade. Like any friendship, we’ve had our ups and downs. But recently- I guess things have just changed. Since we’ve known each other for so long, you easily take things for granted. For instance, you get used to their attention, you get used to telling them everything and you just get used to the idea that you know them inside and out. That makes it easy to miss the fact that the two of you are growing apart until it’s too obvious to deny. I guess that’s what happened to us. I thought I knew her, her way of thinking, her priorities and just her I guess. But as it is today, she’s almost like a complete stranger to me.


It’s weird. Again, we used to tell each other everything and talk everyday. Now, we have hardly talked for weeks. And honestly, I do think it’s for the better. She’s the type of person who is bad at responding and reaching out. And I, I personally believe that if you actually care about someone- you’ll make time for them. I also don’t like the idea of forcing my friendship upon someone else, it’s meant to be a two way street after all. Apart from that I also feel as if I can’t really trust her anymore. A feeling that I’ve been denying because she used to be one of my closest friends. But she’s changed, I’ve changed and that’s what happens.


We never used to fight or hardly even argue. We usually saw eye to eye on everything, another reason as to why I thought I knew her better than I actually do. She doesn’t like confrontations- she avoids them completely actually. And I’m the exact opposite… unless when it comes my friends. Or well, only her really. I guess that’s because I see her as rather fragile and also because I don’t have anything to confront her about. We’ve grown apart, which is not her fault and not mine either. Again- that’s what happens. So basically we stopped talking, just like that. Almost like a cold. Really intense in the beginning and then it slowly wears off. And even when you think you’re not sick anymore, you still cough and sneeze once in a while.


I guess that’s where I’m at right now. Still coughing and sneezing now and then. But of course, she’s been a dear friend of mine for years- it won’t disappear over night. Although, I do not miss her as much anymore. We weren’t good. I held this silent grudge against her after have told her the way I feel. Her behaviour not changing was just a final sign for me to leave her be. But despite us slowly drifting apart I still feel good about the way things are ending. I know that I was always an awesome friend. I feel as if I did everything I could and handled each situation right. But that just wasn’t enough in this case. So at the end of the day, you just have to accept the way things are and move on.


That’s it for now, sleep tight.


Who gets to stick their tongue down his throat?

Kiss-Mark.pngWell first off, I like to think of myself as someone who does not “trash-talk”. I wouldn’t consider what I’m about to say as rude- I’m simply writing my thoughts down and stating facts. But after all, I guess that’s what all trashtalkers say.


Me and my closest friends are what you can call “late bloomers”. We never really used to party or flirt etc. Until recently. It sounds kind of ridiculous or as if I’m 14 years old but it’s true. We were always content with what we had- that being cozy sleepovers and small adventures together. But now, that we’ve tasted the bitter sweet cake that represents our youth, we cannot get enough.


I’m thinking of one friend of mine in particular that I’ve always held really close to my heart . It’s great that she ,along with her friend, are out there exploring and living. But it has also caused a lot of drama. Drama that is completely unnecessary of course. Let me break it down for you.


A while a go this friend of mine, who we can call Alex, threw a get-together with me. We both invited our friends. Long story exremely short is: shit went down and Alex’s best friend, who we can call Skyler to make things easy,  hooked up with a guy that Alex had been crushing on forever. Yes that’s right, it was your typical love triangle. Especially considering the fact that Alex made out with the dude first. Oh and I forgot to mention that this was Alex’s FIRST kiss.


Anyway, moving on. As one might imagine, things were pretty frosty between the two former best friends and I obviously backed my girl up. After a few months the problem was solved and we all lived happily ever after. Okay. It didn’t really go that smoothly. With Skyler returning into Alex’s life, things got pretty rocky between me and Alex. Not because I mind Skyler but because Alex turned out to be different than I thought she was. That’s another story though.


Later on, Skyler and Alex decided to go to a party together. (Important to mention is that this is based on Alex’s version so it might be rather biased). Alex had moved on from one crush to another and this new special someone happened to be attending the same party. This is where it gets interesting.


Alex was obviously nervous about the fact that her angelic crush was there and so she turned to Skylar for advice.


“Oh my god. Sky do you see who’s here?” Among the crowd of people you could spot the pretty boy with the golden hair and blue eyes leaning against the wall in the back of the room, sipping casually on his drink. Looking absolutely gorgeous. (I might have romanticized this whole event for the fun of it but you better get used to it). Sky looked around in confusion, searching the room and the people in it, until she finally saw him. Alex had been going on about him for the last month before school ened which, apparently, had lit a spark of interest in Skyler.


“It’s him oh my GOD!” Skyler’s eyes lit up and a nervous smile spread across her face.


“Alex I’m kind of nervous about talking to him” Alex, who was caught up in her own world while staring directly at the man of her dreams, suddenly snapped out of her bubble of bliss and instantly faced Skyler.


“Uhm why are YOU scared to talked to him?” she said, knowing the answer but wouldn’t believe it until she heard it.


“I think he’s cute, I kinda want him” Skyler said while trying to make eye contact with the pretty boy. Alex was shaken by her words and the alcohol running in her veins along with the anger in her heart made her blood boil .


“The fuck do you mean you want him? I’ve been eyeing him forever- you on the other hand have never even mentioned him?” She was furious at that point. Flashbacks from the previous betrayal when Skyler kissed her crush flashed before her eyes. Skyler was supposed to be her best friend, how did she even dare? After everything that’s happened?


“Well just because I haven’t mentioned him doesn’t mean I think he’s cute too”  The pointless conversation about who would get to have him went on until Alex had had enough.


“Look I don’t want to argue tonight. Can we both just agree not to kiss him or make a move?” She pleaded. Seemed fair enough, girl code would save the day. Well, that depends on which girl code you follow since Skyler surely didn’t seem to see eye to eye.


“I can’t promise anything” she said throwing her hands up in the air and shrugged her shoulders. And with that, Alex stormed off in anger, realising it was impossible to communicate with Sky at that point  During this time, their argument had been so heated that the two hadn’t noticed that the pretty golden haired boy had already left. So nothing scandalous happened that night.


If he hadn’t left though, who would’ve made out with him? Would it be right of either of them to go after him knowing their friendship was one the line once again? Well, in this case Alex surely didn’t seem to think it was right. She didn’t want to compete with Skyler. She expected her friend to be supportive of her crush, not trying to steal him away (again) – which is funny. Let me tell you why.

Me and Alex were both invited to a friend’s house where there would be a good amount of intoxicated people. Well, basically I found a guy of interest. And so did Alex. It just happened to be the same guy. Me for one, I’m not a person to fight over a dude. If he’s not interested in me then I simply back off and move on. And you would think that considering Alex’s previous experiences with Skyler and boys, she wouldn’t do the same thing Sky does. Well apparently in this case, the rule that applied was: ” Whoever has the best chemistry with the person gets to hook up”.  Yep. She wasn’t feeling the girl code this time like she did last time with Skyler and the golden boy. And this is not the first time this has happened.


According to me, girl code says: if a friend sees someone they like they should go after them without other friends interrupting. If I know my friend is interested in someone, I don’t go after that person as if it’s some sort of race. They’re just boys, there are more than enough for all of us. Why fight over one? Why go after someone your friend likes? Why kiss your friend’s crush? These are questions that I still seek the answer to.


And it is fine if you do choose to live by the “whoever has the best chemistry with the person gets to hook up” rule. But for Alex that means that she can’t be pissed off at Sky for wanting the same guy.


All I know for a fact is that I can’t trust Alex around guys I like. Maybe because I am a bit insecure and understand why people would pick her before me. But also because I can’t be arsed to fight over boys, much less have to worry about what my friend might do when I’m not around.

That’s it for today, I’m getting some sleep.